Can't Forgive
by i-am-invisible
Summary: There was a reason that Lily hated James, and it wasn't just that he annoyed her. In 5th year she'd given him a chance and gone out with him for a bit. But something terrible happened, and Lily blames James. Will she ever forgive him? ON HOLD; INCOMPLETE
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Just quickly – a full summary: There was a reason that Lily hated James, and it was more than the simple fact that he annoyed her. In fact, she had given him a chance at the beginning of fifth year, and gone out with him for a while. But something terrible happened, and Lily blames James. Will she ever forgive him? Meanwhile, things are changing in James' life, too.

Warning: I allow the characters to swear because I want them to be real people, and many real people swear. So there is some swearing.

Disclaimer: The Harry Potter series is not mine. The setting is not mine, many of the characters aren't mine, and a little of the plot is not mine. I disclaim everything throughout this story that I do not own. **This disclaimer is for the whole story.**

Note: This story will include a series of flashbacks. If you get confused, please let me know. Also: the story starts in 5th year, but soon moves to 6th year. Watch out for that.

Onto the story!

---

"IT'S YOUR FAULT!" Lily screamed at him, tears beginning to leak out of her eyes. Several months had gone by, but Lily's cousin, Emily, was still lying in hospital.

"I'm sorry, but I didn't mean it to hap - " James tried, his hands held up in the air, but Lily cut him off.

"You gave her the bloody thing! Now she's lying in St Mungo's and-"

"Look, Lils -"

"DON'T CALL ME THAT!" she bellowed, slamming her books down onto a table.

"Ok, sorry _Evans, _but look, I didn't know it would affect her like that!" James said forcefully.

"Well you should have! You made the thing, didn't you? _You_ made it, and _you_ gave it to her, and it's _your fault!_" Lily cried.

"I made it, I gave it to her, but I had no idea that would happen! It was just meant to be a joke-"

"Ha! Some joke! Is it a _joke _to you that Emily is in St Mungo's and barely even knows what _year _it is anymore? Is it a _joke _to you that she might _never recover?_" Lily choked, punching her thigh with a tightly clenched fist and furiously wiping her cheeks with her sleeve.

"Look, I didn't know she'd have that reaction-" James began, wiping his forehead in frustration, but, yet again, he was cut off.

"Well maybe you should have _checked _before you gave it to her!" she yelled, grabbing her books and rushing upstairs.

"Lil – Evans – wait -"

But she didn't. She ran up to her dormitory, hot, angry tears trickling down her face. As she threw herself onto her bed, her cat jumped up with a yowl of annoyance, but Lily ignored it. She lay there, staring at the ceiling, seething with anger.

"What's wrong, Lily?" Her dorm-mate, Alice, had just come into the room.

Lily didn't answer at first; she didn't know what to say. Eventually, she formed an answer and spoke, forcing her voice to stay calm.

"Potter and I just had an argument. You know, about Emily."

"Oh, I see." Alice said quietly. "How is she going?"

"Bad," Lily moaned, distress merging with her anger. "She's still in hospital, and it doesn't look like she'll be getting out any time soon."

"Oh dear, I'm so sorry, Lily." Alice sat down next to her.

"I just wish that fucking idiot would admit it was his fault!" she said, doing her best not to yell. Eventually she gave up. "Argh!" she screamed in frustration. She grabbed a pillow and hurled it across the room as hard as she could. Alice got up and retrieved it.

"I mean," Lily continued, taking a deep, shaky breath, "it really is his fault. Y'know, he might even be able to help the Healers, but no. _He_ – _doesn't – care…_"

---

Back in the common room, James was flopped onto a chair, staring absently across the room with a very glum expression on his face.

"Hey James. What's up?"

James turned as a younger boy sat down with him. Micah had been adopted into the Potter family when James was in his third year, and Micah was eleven. He had become something like a brother for James, but there was no sibling rivalry between them. They got along very well.

"Hey, Micah. Lily and I had a fight."

"As per usual," Micah said. "What about?"

"Emily. Remember Emily?"

"Yeah, like I'd forget. How is she doing?"

"I dunno, but I don't think it's good or Lily wouldn't have been screaming at me."

"Ah, well," Micah sighed.

"I wish she'd get off my back," James complained. "Yeah, I know it was kinda my fault, but how was I supposed to know that that stupid little thing would affect her like that?"

"You couldn't have known, mate. Don't worry about it," Micah advised.

"Thanks, Micah. Hey, have you got a letter from Mum or Dad recently?"

"Oh yeah, I did." He pulled out a crumpled parchment from his pocket. "Here – I forgot to give this to you. Sorry."

"That's ok." James took the parchment, glanced at it, then put it into his pocket. "I'd better get my stuff. See ya 'round, kiddo."


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I don't like writing "(Flashback)" to indicate flashbacks, but if I put the whole thing in italics it just seems to get hard to read.

---

Lying in bed that night, Lily thought back to the beginning of the year. Why had she even agreed to go out with that idiot, Potter? Oh, yes…

---(Flashback)---

"Lily, will you go out with me?" James whined. As per usual.

"Why do you keep on asking me that?" Lily asked, stopping to pick up a book she'd dropped. She was beginning to wonder if she should just say yes and be done with it.

"Because, I, love, you," he sang, quickly picking up her book and handing it to her.

"Thanks," she muttered. "But seriously. Why?"

"Seriously. I love you." This time, his tone was sincere. Lily raised her eyebrows.

"Really?"

"And truly."

"Yeah, right."

"Go out with me and I can prove it to you," James said.

"Let me think about it," she replied, entering the classroom and sitting down with her friends.

_Perhaps_, she thought, _I should just go out with him. It would make him happy, and get him off my back. Maybe he'll turn out to be nice enough. He doesn't seem too bad when he's not pranking Snape or asking me out. And… _she thought hesitantly, _he is kinda… hot…NO! No way, Lily! Well, if he wasn't,_ she thought defensively_, why would he have a flock of girls dying to go out with him? Why am I defending myself from myself? Ok, fine. He's hot._

"Lily, what are you thinking?" Bree asked, watching Lily smiling to herself.

"Nothing," Lily said quickly, guiltily.

"Sure. Now help me with this, I can't get it to work."

"What? Help you with what?"

"This spell. You haven't been paying attention, have you?"

"Erm… no, not really." She glanced over towards the Marauders. James had just successfully transfigured the turtle and was poking it with his wand. _Hmm, actually, _she thought, _hot as he may be, he's being pretty mean to that turtle. Poor little thing._

In the common room that evening, Lily was interrupted from her homework, yet again, by James.

"Lily? Will you go out with me yet?"

"No."

"Why?"

Lily wasn't sure what to say, so she said the first thing that came into her head. "You were being mean to the turtle in Transfiguration."

James laughed airily. "If you go out with me I'll never be mean to another turtle again. I promise."

"Hmph. Will you never ask me out again?"

"Um…" James raised an eyebrow. "That doesn't really work, does it?"

"I mean, if I go out with you, will you stop asking me out?" Lily grinned up at him. She knew it didn't make sense; she just wanted to see his reaction.

"Er… sure. I mean…hang on… I don't know…" He shook his head, confused.

Lily laughed. "How about this, then. If I go out with you, will you stop interrupting me when I'm working?"

"Absolutely!" James said, relieved.

"Hmmm… Alice?" Lily turned to her friend, who had been deeply absorbed in a book.

"Yeah?"

"Should I go out with James Potter?"

Alice looked up in surprise. "Erm… I thought you didn't like him?"

"Shush. If I go out with him, he'll stop annoying me. You think that's a fair price to pay?"

"I guess…" Alice said uncertainly.

"Ok, then. Sure, James, I'll go out with you."

"Are you serious?" James asked, wide eyed and delighted.

"No, I'm Lily, remember?" Lily quipped. James shook his head in frustration.

"No! I mean, are you for real?"

"Of course."

"YES!" James cried in triumph, and began jumping around the common room. Sirius caught him and the Marauders dragged him over.

"Lily, what've you done to him?" Remus asked, looking at his friend with a worried expression.

"She agreed to go out with me!" James yelled, ecstatic. Peter's mouth fell open.

"What?!"

"Merlin! You're kidding, right?" Sirius said, turning to Lily. She shook her head, grinning.

"Did I hear right?" Shanna had come over to them with an astonished expression on her face. "You _agreed _to go out with _Potter?"_

Lily nodded.

"_Why?_"

"So he'd stop annoying me. And, between you and me…" she added, leaning over to whisper in her friend's ear, "he's not bad looking either!"

Shanna began laughing so hard she collapsed onto the floor. Lily glared at her.

"You're not telling anyone that!" she added forcefully.

"Of course not," she gasped.

"What did she say?" four voiced enquired. Shanna shook her head.

"WHAT DID SHE SAY?"

Shanna glanced at Lily, still smirking. "She said…"

Lily shook her head in horror. "Don't…"

"… she said she likes roast potato."

Lily grinned. "Very random, but not bad, Shanna. Let's stick with that. _Why did you tell them_?" she moaned in mock distress.

"Oh, Lily! I'm ever so sorry," Shanna cried dramatically.

"I guess – I guess I'll cope – just – don't do it – again!" she choked, pretending to break down into sobs.

"You two…" sighed Remus.

"… are nuts," finished Sirius.

"Oi! Don't insult my girlfriend!" James said.

"_Girlfriend?_" Lily looked at him sharply, startled and incredulous.

"Well… we are going out…" he said sheepishly.

"We haven't been on a single date yet!"

"Yeah, but…"

"But what?"

He grinned. "I just like saying it. Lily is my girlfriend, Lily is my girlfriend. Ah… such a beautiful phrase."

---(End flashback)---

Lying in her bed, Lily shuddered. How could she have agreed to go out with him, just to stop him from annoying her? And James Potter - hot??? As if! _Those two words should never be put together_, she thought firmly, _unless it's in the negative_. She punched her pillow furiously. _I hate him._


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: This chapter is basically a modified version of 'Snape's worst memory'. Sorry, I just couldn't resist. This time it's more from Lily's point of view, though still in the third person of course. And I've modified it slightly to fit with the story.

Disclaimer: In this chapter, I own nothing.

---

Lily hated exams. Well, who didn't? She always got extremely stressed out preparing for them, and then it wasn't any better when the time came. She could only relax when she'd finished. But when she and her friends left the Great Hall after the Defence Against the Dark Arts exam, she still couldn't fully unwind; they had a Transfiguration exam right after lunch.

"Oh, man. I'm glad that's over," sighed Alice, squinting out towards the lake.

"Ditto," Shanna groaned. "How do you think you went?"

"Ok, I reckon," Alice said. "You guys?"

"I think I did pretty well…" Shanna said hesitantly.

"That exam was hell. I think I failed," moaned Bree.

"Aw, don't stress, Bree. I'm sure you did ok," Lily said, trying to reassure her friend. "But we've still got Transfiguration… Will you test me?"

"Lily! It's lunch!" Shanna scolded. "For the next hour, we are doing nothing but relaxing."

"But Shanna-"

"No, Lily, you've revised enough. You know it all. You need to wind down. I'm hot, what do you say we go down to the lake?"

"Sounds good," Alice said. The four girls made their way out of the castle, chatting aimlessly. When they got down to the lake, they took of their shoes and socks and dipped their feet in the water.

"Ah, that's good," Bree sighed.

"Yeah," agreed Alice. "Anyone got a funny story? My forehead is sore from frowning."

"Mine too," Bree said, rubbing her forehead. "I think it's called _exam disease_."

"Ok, how about this?" Shanna said, and began recounting what had happened in her last Muggle Studies class. She was interrupted, a few minutes and a lot of laughs later, by a yell of '_Expelliarmus!'_

The girls all looked over to the source of the noise. _Potter, _Lily thought furiously. James Potter and Sirius Black were moving towards Severus Snape, who was lying on the ground and seemed unable to move. As they drew nearer to him, James looked over to Lily and her friends. Lily glared at him, but James didn't seem to notice. He turned back to Snape, and he and Sirius began talking to him. Suddenly Snape yelled out a jumble of swear words and curses all mixed together, but nothing happened; his wand was about ten feet away.

"Scourify!" James flicked his wand at the greasy-haired boy on the ground. Pink bubbles of soap started streaming from Snape's mouth.

Lily couldn't stand it anymore. She stood up and marched over to them.

"Leave him ALONE!" she yelled.

James and Sirius turned, and James' hand immediately moved to ruffle up his hair. Lily inwardly shuddered.

"All right, Lily?" said James.

"I told you not to call me that," she said through gritted teeth.

"All right, _Evans_?" James said, unperturbed.

"Leave him alone," Lily repeated. "What's he done to you?"

"Well," said James thoughtfully, "it's more the fact that he exists, if you know what I mean…"

There were several laughs from the students who were watching, but Lily didn't join them.

"You think you're funny," she said, shaking with anger but keeping her voice calm and cold, "but you're just an arrogant, bullying toerag, Potter. Leave him _alone._"

James thought for a moment. "I'll leave him alone if you go out with me again, Evans. Go on… go out with me and I'll never lay a wand on old Snivelly again."

"I wouldn't go out with you again, if it was a choice between you and the giant squid," Lily spat.

"Bad luck, Prongs," said Sirius briskly, turning back to Snape. "Oi!" he yelled, but was too late. There was a flash of light from Snape's wand and a gash appeared on the side of James' face, spattering his robes with blood. James whirled about: a second flash of light later, Snape was hanging upside-down in the air, his robes falling over his head.

For a moment, Lily almost smiled at the sight of Snape's skinny legs and dirty underpants. There was a lot of laughter and cheering from the onlookers as well as the Marauders. Except, Lily noticed, Remus Lupin. He had looked up from his book and was watching the scene, but wasn't laughing. In fact, he looked slightly disapproving.

Lily turned her attention back to Snape and the other Marauders.

"Let him down!" she said loudly, and furiously.

"Certainly," James said, causing Snape to fall into a crumpled heap on the ground. Lily grimaced. _He could've broken his neck! _ Obviously he hadn't, however, because he got up, wand out. Quickly, Sirius cast a full body bind on him, and Snape fell over again.

"LEAVE HIM ALONE!" Lily shouted, infuriated. She got out her own wand and pointed it towards the two boys.

"Ah, Evans, don't make me hex you," James said earnestly.

"Take the curse off him, then!"

James sighed and did as she had asked. "There you go," he said to Snape who was struggling to his feet. "You're lucky Evans was here, Snivellus -"

"I don't need help from filthy little Mudbloods like her!" Snape spat.

"Fine," Lily said coolly. She'd never found 'mudblood' much of an insult, but it didn't help her temper. "I won't bother in future. And I'd wash your pants if I were you, _Snivellus._"

"Apologise to Evans!" James roared at Snape.

"I don't want _you _to make him apologise!" Lily shouted. "You're as bad as he is!"

"What?" yelped James, startled and hurt. "I'd NEVER call you a – you-know-what!"

Lily felt her entire body trembling with anger. She took a deep breath, and began.

"Messing up your hair because you think it looks cool to look like you've just got off your broomstick, showing off with that stupid Snitch, walking down corridors and hexing anyone who annoys you just because you can – I'm surprised your broomstick can get off the ground with that fat head on it. And," she added in a cold, furious whisper, "you _destroy people's lives._ You make me SICK!"

With that, Lily turned and briskly walked away. Her friends hurried behind her. As she bent down to tie her shoes, she noticed a dull ache in her head, and groaned.

"I've got a headache, thanks to him. Shit, and we've still got another exam! I'm going up to the Infirmary, you wanna come?"

"Sure. Now I have one thing to tell you. Lily, you are one amazing girl," Shanna said, looking at her friend with an expression of awe.

A/N: That's all from 5th year. **_Important note:_ **In the next chapter we skip ahead, straight to 6th year, but not much has changed.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: So now we're in **sixth year**, okay:)

---

Days passed.

Weeks passed.

Months passed.

It was nearly a year later. A lot can happen in a year, you may say. But in this case, not a lot did. (A/N: Well, nothing relevant to the story, anyhow.) James was still constantly asking Lily out, and Lily was still constantly refusing.

And Lily's cousin, Emily, was still in hospital. In the summer holidays between 5th and 6th year, Lily had been to visit Emily several times. But she hadn't made much improvement.

Lily's aunt Nora had forgiven her for what happened to Emily. Lily now received frequent letters from her on Emily's progress – only she wasn't making much progress.

_Dear Lily_

_How are you going, dear? Phil _(Lily's uncle)_ and I are doing just fine. _

_Emily is going ok. Not much has changed, really. We thought she might've been asking about you last week, but we aren't really sure. She was giggling and saying things like "How is the red-head one?" and "She who is young and clever must visit the flower place." Any ideas on this? But she's stopped now, anyway. Ah well. _

_We hope to hear from you soon._

_Love, Nora and Phil_

Lily sighed. _She who is young and clever must visit the flower place. _This was a phrase Emily had used when both of them were a lot younger. Lily doubted that it really meant anything now.

"How's Emily?" Bree asked softly from across the table.

"Just the same," Lily said. Alice patted her arm sympathetically. Lily just smiled.

---

Back in Gryffindor Tower, James Potter stood over his adopted brother's bed, a worried look on his face.

"Micah? Micah?" James called. Micah was asleep, but he was covered in sweat and had a spotty rash spread over his face. Feeling his forehead, James noted that he seemed to have quite a fever.

"Micah, wake up!" James shook him roughly, but the boy didn't wake up.

"Come on, kiddo. Breakfast will be over soon. Oh, for god's sake, wake UP!"

Micah's eyes opened and he squinted up at James, shielding his eyes from the light. He sat up and rubbed his neck.

"Are you ok?" James asked, watching him concernedly.

"Oh," Micah groaned, doubling over. "I feel sick…"

"Shall we go to the hospital wing, then?"

Micah nodded and stood up. James noticed that the rash had spread all down his neck and onto one of his arms.

"Here -" James handed him a dressing gown. Micah pulled it on, and slowly they made their way up to the Hospital Wing.

By the time they got there, Micah had developed a severe headache. Holding his head in his hands, he flopped down onto a bed.

"What's wrong, boys?" Madame Pomfrey was hurrying out of her office to them. James sat down on the bed next to Micah.

"Micah's sick," he told her. The woman went over and felt Micah's forehead, tutting slightly.

"How do you feel?" she asked.

"Sick," Micah groaned. "Nauseous, and I have a really bad headache… and my neck is stiff," he added, rubbing it again.

Madame Pomfrey got a bottle of potion and poured some into a cup. "Drink this up," she instructed. "Now, Mr Potter, I think you'd better get back to class."

"But – Micah – I want to stay with him!" James cried.

"I'm sorry, Mr Potter. You need to get to class." She bustled around and poured some more potions into another cup, but James didn't move.

"He's my brother. I'm not going to leave!"

"No, Mr Potter, you are going."

"But - "

"Out!" She raised her wand threateningly. James got up, grumbling, and reluctantly left the Hospital Wing.

---

Lily had Charms up first that morning. Professor Flitwick seemed tired, and had instructed them to practise summoning and banishing charms. Lily had never had much trouble with these, and so was feeling a little bored. Well, extremely bored actually.

"Accio book," she said, and a large book flew towards her. She caught it and looked at the cover. _Charm-Masters of the 15th Century. _She sighed. She really didn't feel like reading textbooks at the moment; she wanted a good novel. But there were no novels in the Charms classroom.

She looked around the room, bored. Most of the students were sending various objects flying in different directions. A few were sitting at their desks, gazing into space with bored expressions like her own, and some had their heads on their desks and were trying to get a bit of sleep. Against her will, her eyes scanned the room, looking for James Potter. He was sitting at his desk, doodling absently on a bit of parchment and staring at the floor with a worried frown on his face.

_Is he ok? _Lily thought, but then shook her head. _I don't care about him. _She opened the book and began reading, but she didn't even get past the first paragraph. Her mind had involuntarily gone back to her 5th year and to her first date with James Potter.

--- (Flashback) ---

Checking her appearance in the mirror one last time, Lily left her dormitory and made her way down the stairs to the common room.

"Lily! Over here," she heard James call from the other side of the room. She walked over to him.

"Hey," she said.

"Hey," he echoed, grinning. "You look nice."

"Thanks…" she muttered, blushing slightly. Lily didn't quite know why she'd gone to so much trouble with her appearance – really, she was only going out with him to stop him annoying her. She was just wearing jeans and a nice top (she'd firmly put her good skirt back in the cupboard), but she had taken a lot of time on her hair and had even, to her astonishment, found herself putting on a bit of lip gloss.

"So, you ready?"

She nodded, and together they left the castle for Hogsmeade. The two didn't talk much on the way to Hosmeade; they just walked. Lily was feeling unusually uncomfortable, and she thought James seemed a little awkward too. When they finally got to the main street of Hogsmeade, James said,

"Where do you want to go?"

Lily shrugged. "Wherever. We could just… I dunno… look in the shops or something."

"Yeah, ok."

The two made for the nearest shop – Honeydukes – and marvelled at all the sweets. Both James and Lily bought a few things and then nibbled on them as they looked into the windows of other shops.

"You wanna get a drink?" James suggested eventually.

"Yeah. Let's go in here," Lily said, moving towards a small café. James nodded and followed her in. They sat down; Lily ordered a cup of tea and James asked for hot chocolate.

"So."

"So."

Lily had no idea what she should say. She wanted to start up a conversation, but for some reason she couldn't think of a topic. Sheesh, she didn't even want to be there. On a date with Potter - what had she been thinking? But, watching him for a moment, she couldn't help but wonder if she… kind of… liked him. Just a little bit, she assured herself.

The silence continued. Lily drank her tea. James drank his hot chocolate.

Eventually, James came to the rescue. "Are you looking forward to the holidays?"

"Yeah!" Lily said, relieved to be able to talk about something. "Are you doing anything interesting?"

"Well, I was wondering if you'd like to come and visit me."

"Sure. Are you going away at all?"

"My parents and I are going skiing…"

"Oh, great!" Lily exclaimed. "I love skiing!"

James frowned. "I think I prefer flying, myself. But I've never been skiing before… What is skiing, anyway?"

Lily laughed. "Well, it is more of a Muggle sport. Basically…" she began, and launched into a huge explanation of skiing. James listened with interest. With this ice-breaker, they talked quite happily for the remainder of their outing.

When she got back to her dormitory that night, Lily sighed in contentment. She'd been on a date with James Potter and it hadn't been hell. In fact, she'd quite enjoyed it…

---(End Flashback)---

"Lily? Lily, snap out of it!"

Shanna was nudging her. The lesson had ended. Lily stood up and packed her books into her bag. As she was leaving the classroom, she felt someone bump into her.

"Ahh!" she shrieked, stumbling into the wall of the corridor. Her bag slipped off her shoulder and all her books spilled out. "God, you're clumsy!" she spat, frustrated.

"Oh dear, I'm sorry Lily." James bent down to pick up her books.

"Thanks," she grumbled as he gave them to her.

"Sorry," he repeated, putting a hand on her shoulder. She slid backwards and his hand fell to his side. "I've got to go," James said – exactly what Lily had wanted him to do. He gave her one last apologetic look and fled down the corridor.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: And another chapter…

---

"I've gotta go," James said apologetically, and fled down the corridor. He really was sorry to leave her, but he had to go and see Micah.

When he got up to the hospital wing, Madam Pomfrey was sitting in her office. James snuck past, hoping she wouldn't see him. He sat next to Micah's bed. Micah had his eyes closed but his breathing didn't sound regular.

"Are you awake?" he whispered. Micah opened his eyes.

"Yeah," he said drowsily.

"Are you ok?"

"I dunno," he muttered. "The Matron doesn't seem to know what I've got. She fixed my headache and the nausea, but she can't do anything about this weird rash." He held his arm up close to his face, inspecting the spots. Then he flopped it back on the bed and gazed at the ceiling.

"It's not chicken pox, is it?" James asked, frowning.

Micah didn't respond immediately. He just continued staring at the ceiling. Then –

"Huh?" he said vacantly. "Oh, it can't be. I had chicken pox when I was six. You don't normally get it twice. And, besides, it was nothing like this."

"Oh."

Micah yawned and rubbed his forehead. "I hate the light!" he groaned, squinting at the window. Can you pull down the blind? It's too bright."

James did as he asked, but unfortunately Madam Pomfrey saw him.

"Mr Potter!" she scolded. "I told you to go to class!"

"I did," he protested. "I've been in Charms all morning!"

"What do you have now?"

"A spare," he lied quickly.

"No," Pomfrey corrected, "a study period. For studying. Micah needs his rest; he's a very ill boy. You need to let him get his rest and go and study! Out!" She shooed him out of the Hospital Wing.

"I'll see you soon, Micah!" he called over his shoulder.

James trudged away from the Hospital Wing, worried about his brother and very irritated at Madam Pomfrey. _What have I got now? _He wondered glumly. _History of Magic. What's the point of that? No one pays any attention anyway, except Remus. _

He sighed. _What to do now? _Suddenly he had a thought. He sat down in the middle of the corridor and pulled a piece of parchment, some ink and a quill from his bag.

_Dear Mum and Dad,_ he wrote.

_I don't know if you've been notified already, but I'm going to tell you anyway. _

_Micah is ill. It started this morning, and he hasn't gotten much better. He has a strange rash on his face and arms, and he was nauseous and had a headache before Madam Pomfrey fixed them. He seems sleepy and sort of vacant. Apparently Madam Pomfrey doesn't know what he's got. I'm worried about him._

_- James_

James folded the letter up and put an address on it, then headed to the Owlery. When he got there, he was startled to find he wasn't the only one skipping History of Magic. His favourite girl in the universe was there, talking softly to a black owl.

He stopped, enthralled. James rarely got to see her like this; most of the time she spent around him, she was either yelling at him or ignoring him. The only times he could see Lily's real self were the times she didn't know he was there.

"Are you tired from your trip?" she was murmuring to the owl. "Yes? My, you are a beautiful thing, aren't you?!"

At that moment, James would have given anything to be in the owl's position.

"Did you have an owner before you came to be a school owl at Hogwarts? I don't see how they could have given you away - you are such a lovely creature. Will you take a letter for me? You don't have to take it straight away; I know you've just been flying. But sometime today would be good. It's for my aunt and uncle. Do you know who I mean?"

James could have stayed there, listening to Lily's pretty, gentle voice for hours, if it wasn't for the owl. The owl noticed him and turned its head so that its bright eyes stared right at him. Seeing this, Lily looked around.

"Potter. What are you doing here?" she snapped. Her voice was no longer calm and gentle; it was cold and hard.

"I'm posting a letter, Lily – sorry – Evans. Is that illegal now?"

"You should be in class."

"So should you."

"I had to send a letter that's much more important than History of Magic."

"Is talking to an owl much more important than History of Magic?" James said with a smirk. She groaned.

"So what's your excuse?"

"I had to visit my brother, who is ill, and now I'm sending a letter that is much more important than History of Magic. And I'm not going to stand around talking to my owl."

"Will you shut UP about that?!" she said loudly.

"Touchy, Evans, touchy."

She closed her eyes momentarily and took a deep breath.

"One: You will not mention this to _anyone, _even your creepy little sidekicks."

"Well, Evans, your word goes. Just," he added frowning, "please don't call them creepy little sidekicks."

"Fine. Two: You will go back to class now."

"Only after I've posted my letter," James protested.

"Fine. Three: You will have posted your letter and be out of my sight by the time I count to ten."

"Ten?" He cried indignantly. "That's too short! Twenty."

"Ten."

"Twenty!"

"Fifteen," she groaned.

"Deal." James stuck out his hand but Lily didn't take it.

"Just get going," she said frostily. "Fourteen."

James found his owl, Nestor, and tied the letter to his leg.

"Twelve."

He told Nestor where to take it and sent him on his way.

"Nine."

He leant casually against the wall and watched Lily, the love of his life, glare at him.

"Seven."

He sighed slightly. Lily looked prettier when she wasn't angry.

"Six. Are you going to leave?"

"Not until I have to," he retorted. She groaned.

"Five."

Why was she still counting so slowly? She could have been down to one by now.

"Four."

Why was she staring at him like that? And why was her voice so soft?

"Three."

James smiled slightly. Lily snapped out of her trance and glowered at him.

"Two, ONE!"

He lingered for a moment longer, but Lily took a deep breath and opened her mouth to shout at him. He darted out.


	6. Chapter 6

_Dear James,_

_Yes, we have heard about Micah. As Madam Pomfrey doesn't seem able to do much for him, we are going to take him home and see if he improves. If he doesn't, we may have to take him into St Mungo's._

_We'll be coming to Hogwarts tomorrow to collect him. We'll be in the Infirmary at the start of lunchtime, so it'd be great if you could meet us there._

_Love, Mum and Dad_

_--_

"Mum! Dad!" James said happily, entering the Hospital Wing.

"James! It's great to see you," his father said, giving him a quick hug. His mother, too, embraced him.

"Gerrof," he muttered, when the embrace went on for far too long and just became embarrassing.

His father, Henry, chuckled, and turned back to Madam Pomfrey.

"So, Poppy, is everything organised? Can we take him home?"

"Not quite yet," she replied. "I've still got to fix a few things up with Albus, but it will all be done within the hour. If you don't mind, I'd better go and speak with him."

"Go right ahead," Anne, James' mother said, smiling. "We'll wait here."

The matron nodded curtly and briskly walked off.

"So you're definitely taking me home?" Micah asked, sitting up and attempting to get out of bed. Anne rushed over and pushed him back down onto the mattress.

"No, Micah, you're not getting up until you absolutely have to," she scolded. Micah groaned but complied.

"So how are you, James?" Henry asked.

James shrugged. "Ok."

"How're things going with that girl you like – Lizzie, right?"

"Lily," James corrected. "Lily Evans. Oh, she still hates me."

"Does she still blame you for what happened to her cousin?"

"Uh huh."

Henry shook his head. "You'd think she'd have forgiven you by now. It's been over a year."

"I know," James said glumly. "But the whole thing really hit her hard, I think. She's still upset about it."

"Have you tried talking to her?"

"She doesn't listen."

"I could try talking to her," his father offered.

All James could do was laugh at this.

"Not such a good idea, then?"

"No." James shook his head, still smiling at the thought. Henry was a fairly soft-spoken man, and if Lily got angry…

"So what else is new? How's the Quidditch going?"

"Pretty well," James said. "We walloped Ravenclaw in the last match. I scored 70 points!"

"Well done! How much did you win by?"

"180 points. We were 20 points ahead when Micah got the snitch."

"Congratulations," Henry said proudly, but James was frowning.

"We'll have to find another seeker," he said, looking over at Micah sadly. "Do you know how long he'll be away for?"

Henry shook his head. "It depends on how this illness goes. We have no idea what to expect. How are you feeling, Micah?" he added.

"Ok. Just the same," Micah replied.

Just then, Madam Pomfrey returned, followed by Dumbledore.

"Ah! Good afternoon, Professor Dumbledore!" Henry exclaimed.

"Nice to see you again, Mr Potter, Mrs Potter… although I think we both agree that different circumstances would be preferable." He looked over to Micah. "How are you feeling?"

"Ok," Micah replied. _He must be getting really sick of answering that, _James thought.

"Well, is everything organised? Can we take him now?" Anne asked.

"Yes, yes, everything is in order."

Micah smiled and got up quickly, but swayed for a moment, blinking hard. Anne caught his arm anxiously.

"I think we'd better get going," she said. Henry nodded.

James walked with them to the front doors of the castle, but lunch ended as they were leaving.

"Well, you'd better go, son," Henry said reluctantly. James groaned.

"Can't I come?"

"James!" his mother hissed. "You-are-in-the-presence-of-the-Headmaster!" Raising her voice to normal volume, she said, "I think you'd better go to class."

"Ok," he grumbled. "Take care of yourself, Micah!"

"I will," Micah promised. "You too. I'll see you soon."

After a chorus of 'goodbye's, James slowly made his way to his next class – Transfiguration.

------

"Potter, can you tell me the wand movement we are working on?"

"What? Oh, um, swish and flick?" he suggested vaguely.

"This is Transfiguration, Potter, not Charms. Wave, tap and swirl," McGonagall corrected sharply. "Have you been paying attention, Potter?"

"Uh… yeah…"

"Five points from Gryffindor, for not paying attention, and lying. Evans, can you tell me the incantation?"

Lily started at the sound of her name. "What? Uh, um, Riddikulus," she stammered.

McGonagall sighed. "This is Transfiguration, Evans, not Defence Against the Dark Arts. Another five points from Gryffindor." She watched with some amusement as both Lily and James stared vaguely in her general direction. "My my," she added, "you two are acting remarkably similar today."

"Who?" Lily asked.

"You and Potter."

This woke her up.

"No WAY!" she shouted.

"Calm down, Evans, or you'll loose more points for your house," McGonagall snapped.

"Sorry, Professor," Lily muttered.

---

"Lily? Lily! Come on Lily, snap out of it! Wave, tap and swirl, remember?"

Lily looked up blearily. "Huh?"

Bree and Shanna smiled, but Alice watched her friend anxiously.

"Are you gonna tell us what's wrong?"

Lily shrugged. "Nothing's wrong." But it was a lie.

"Come on, Lily. You've barely said anything all day!"

"Ok, ok." She pulled a letter from her pocket. "News of Emily. Got it this morning."

She tossed the piece of paper at her friends, who began reading it, their faces becoming steadily more and more concerned.

_Dear Lily,_

_How are you, dear? Phil and I are going ok. Unfortunately, the same cannot be said for our darling Emily._

_Over the past couple of days she has deteriorated rapidly. By lunchtime today she was unable to tell us where she was, and seemed very vacant. This evening she has been slipping in and out of unconsciousness. The Healers are doing all they can. We are all praying for her. We will send more news soon._

_Love, Phil and Nora_


	7. Chapter 7

Lily, staring into the bright orange flames in the common room fireplace that night, heard a noise. She sat up and saw her friend Bree had just entered the room.

"What're you doing up this late?" Lily asked.

Bree smiled. "I could ask the same of you. I've come down to play my guitar."

"Oh, of course." Most of the other Gryffindors enjoyed listening to loud rock music or pop songs and didn't care much for classical guitar music. They didn't let Bree practise her guitar during the day, so she played quietly at night.

Lily sank back into her slumped position on the sofa and watched Bree carefully taking the guitar out of its case. She checked the tuning, but it was already in tune. Bree flexed her fingers briefly; then began to play.

Lily sighed in contentment. She loved listening to Bree's music. It was so relaxing. As the soft twangs floated over her, Lily's mind returned to her cousin as she had been before the accident.

---(Flashback)---

"Li-ly!" A voice called.

"Yeah?" Lily yelled back, sighing in annoyance. She hated being disturbed when she was reading.

"We have visitors!"

"Oh, ok. Coming!" Lily put her book down and ran down the stairs. Her mother was leaning against the bench, laughing animatedly at what her aunt Nora was saying. When Nora saw Lily, she quickly moved towards her.

"Lily! How nice to see you. How are you, dear?" The tall, slim woman took hold of Lily's shoulders and kissed her on the cheek.

"Hello Nora," Lily replied. "I'm alright, what about you?"

"We've been doing great, thankyou. And where is your sister?"

"Oh, I think Petunia's gone out with that Dursley guy," she replied.

"Lily!"

Lily turned, smiling – she recognised the voice. "Hey, Emily!" Lily's cousin was a little over a year younger than her but they were good friends.

"Can we go out to the den again?" she asked eagerly.

"The den?" Lily repeated, an eyebrow raised.

"You know that place, in your back garden…"

"Oh yes." Lily grabbed a jumper off the couch and the two girls left the house.

The 'den' was a little patch of clear ground beneath the small trees next to the side fence. It was hidden by shrubs but once you got into it, it was a lovely place to sit. Emily got in first and quickly took the best sitting spot: a low fork in a little tree. Lily sat on the ground, leaning her back against the fence.

"So what's been happening in your life, Em?" she asked.

"I dunno... well… there's the band I guess, it's been going pretty well."

"The band?"

"Haven't I told you about it?"

"No."

"Oh, well, a few of my friends and I started up this band."

"Cool!" Lily exclaimed. "Who's in it?"

"Um… Chloe, Erin, Lee, Yanni and me. Erin's got an electric guitar which is really cool. I've just got an acoustic. Um, then Lee is on keyboard, Chloe plays drums and usually it's Erin and Yanni who sing."

"Does this Yanni play anything?" Lily asked.

Emily shook her head. "Nah. But he's got an amazing voice so he's the main vocalist."

"What kind of music do you play?"

"Nothing really good, actually. Mostly rock, but we haven't tried writing a song of our own song yet. I was thinking of asking this guy in my History class, Tom Ryan, if he'd write us a song. I had music with him last year and he was fantastic. But… oh, I just get so nervous around him. My god, he is so cute, you would not believe."

Lily laughed and shook her head a bit.

"No, it's true! I swear I'm actually in love with him!"

Lily raised her eyebrows. "Sure."

"Seriously, Lily. How do I get him to notice me?"

"Uhm, I don't think I'm the right person to ask," Lily said, rubbing her neck.

"But you've like got a boyfriend, haven't you?"

"Yeah, but he was practically begging me to – wait, how did you know?"

"Oh, my mum mentioned it, I think."

"How does she know?"

"Probably heard it from your mum."

"Yeah, probably," Lily mused, rolling her eyes. _I should have made Mum promise not to tell anyone, _she thought. _Merlin, parents can be annoying!_

"So who is he?" Emily asked impatiently.

"Well, he's called James Potter." Lily suddenly felt surprised. After turning him down for so long, now he was her boyfriend. Weird.

"Is he nice?" Emily flicked a strand of reddish-blonde hair off her face.

"Uhm…" Lily frowned. "Well… I dunno about that… he's ok, I guess."

Emily laughed. "Is he going to visit you these holidays? Or vice versa?"

"Probably."

"Can I meet him?"

Lily shrugged, and then laughed at the eager expression on her cousin's face. "I don't see why not."

"Cool."

There was a short pause, then Emily said, "So how's school been going for you? Where do you go, again?"

"Oh, um, it's a boarding school out in the country."

"Yeah… what's it called? And why'd you go there, anyway?"

"Erm…" Hogwarts was a tricky topic, since Emily was a muggle and knew nothing of the world of magic. "My parents thought it looked like a good place for me to go."

In actual fact, Lily's parents had been so sceptical when her first Hogwarts letter came they nearly refused to let her go. Luckily, an old friend of theirs came around and told them that he was a wizard. He somehow managed to convince them that it was all true and Hogwarts was a perfectly safe place.

"How's school been for you?" Lily asked, before Emily had a chance to ask anything else about Hogwarts.

Emily wrinkled her nose. "Shit," she said bluntly.

"How come?"

"Oh, I didn't get a very good report last year, and this year's not going great either. I'm not doing very well and there's a hell of a lot of work. And the other day, Mum asked what I want to do when I grow up… and I have no idea! The only thing I can think of is the band, and I know my parents won't be happy about that." Emily unconsciously rubbed the smudgy brown scar on her right cheek, which Lily knew to be a sign of worry or insecurity.

"Don't stress, Em," Lily said. "You've still got a few years to work it out. You're in, what, Year 8, yeah? So, that's the equivalent of fourth year… You don't really need to start worrying about it 'till Year 10, I reckon."

"Well, I certainly don't need to worry about it in the _holidays,_" Emily said, suddenly cheerful. "So. When can I meet this boyfriend of yours?" She grinned cheekily.

---(end flashback)---

There was a sudden set of notes that were out of time and out of tune, and Lily was jerked back into the present. Bree was waving her hands around in frustration.

"Sorry Lily," she said. "Ah, I just can't get this right!" Bree ran a hand through her hair and stared furiously at her music.

"Maybe that's enough practise for one night," Lily suggested. "Come on, let's go to bed."

The two of them slowly made their way up the stairs. Lily tried her hardest to remember Emily as she had been before the accident, but she couldn't. The image of Emily lying in her hospital bed kept forcing its way into her mind and she felt the familiar pain in her throat and prickling in her eyes.

---

"We've got to do something about Lily," Shanna announced to Bree and Alice, striding into the dorm the next day.

Bree looked up momentarily but didn't say anything; she was concentrating on plaiting Alice's hair. Alice was sitting cross-legged on the floor, while Bree was kneeling on her bed.

"What do you mean?" Alice asked, looking up.

"Ah, Alice, stop it," Bree scolded. "Keep you're head down."

Alice apologized and stared down at the floor. "What do you mean?" she repeated to Shanna.

"I mean we've gotta try and cheer her up, or something. At least take her mind off it." Shanna leant against one of the posts on Bree's bed.

"I agree," Bree said. "This whole thing with Emily is really getting her down. And – ok, get this. We had a quiz in potions the other day… and Lily got four out of ten. Four! I swear Slughorn thought she was seriously ill. He actually asked if she was feeling alright!"

The girls laughed, but sadly. "What can we do to cheer her up?" Shanna asked.

"I have an idea," Alice said. "Potter's holding tryouts for the new seeker soon. Why don't we get her to try out?"

"What??!!" Shanna cried. "Lily's not into Quidditch!"

"She doesn't like watching it, she doesn't follow it, but you never know – thanks, Bree…" Alice ran a hand down the back of her head, inspecting the plait with her fingers, then turned around and stretched out her neck. "She might actually enjoy playing it," she said.

Bree frowned. "You know, she did enjoy flying, in first year. I dunno why she didn't continue."

"Yeah, yeah, but guys, there's three problems," Shanna said. "One: what if she doesn't want to try out? Two: If she does, what if she doesn't make the team? Thr -"

"Like she wouldn't make the team!" Alice scoffed. "Potter's crazy about her. If she tried out, she'd get in no matter how bad she was."

"Yeah, this brings us to my third point. One word: Potter."

"Aha," Bree laughed. "Yes, that could be a problem."

"But still, surely she can just ignore him and concentrate on the game," Alice said.

"Uh uh," argued Shanna. "Quidditch wouldn't take her mind off Emily; each time she saw Potter she'd remember."

"Mmm… well, at least she'd be doing something constructive rather than moping around like some dejected old…" Alice trailed off, unsure of what word to use.

"Sloth?" Bree suggested.

"Yeah, that's the word. She's moping around like a dejected old sloth, Lily is."

The three girls looked up, startled, when the door opened. Alice bit her lip when she saw who it was.

"I'm a moth?" Lily enquired, coming into the dorm with an eyebrow raised and a quizzical smile.

---

A/N: Thankyou to Mistress of Dreamz for suggesting the whole 'Lily becoming seeker' idea.


	8. Chapter 8

"What was that all about?" Lily asked again, when her friends had almost finished laughing. "Why did you say I was a moth?"

"No, not a m-moth," Shanna said, hardly able to refrain from laughing still.

"We were wondering if you'd consider trying out for seeker," Alice told her.

"Seeker? As in, Quidditch?" Lily asked, surprised. She sat on the floor and rested her back against the wall, then grimaced. "Chuck me a pillow, will you Bree? Thanks." She put Bree's pillow behind her back and sighed. "So what's this about Quidditch?"

"Alice thinks you should try out for seeker. You know, cos that kid, whats-'is-name, Michael or something…"

"Micah," said Bree.

"Yeah, cos Micah's sick," Shanna finished.

"But why do you want _me _to try out?" Lily asked, watching Bree stand up and get a packet of toffees out of her top drawer. She tossed a couple to each of the girls. "And what're these – a bribe? Nice try," but she unwrapped one and put it in her mouth anyway.

Bree laughed. "Nah, nahawwribe…"

"What?" Shanna sniggered. "Don't talk with your mouth full."

Bree chewed frantically, then said, "Sorry. I said, no, it's not a bribe. I was hungry, that's all."

"Yeah, these are really going to fill you up," Alice said sarcastically.

"_Any_way," Bree said, looking at Lily, "what do you think?"

"About trying out for seeker?" Lily shrugged. "Why do you think I should?"

"It would be fun," said Alice.

"Fun?"

"Oh, I think you'd better put that in simpler terms Alice. I don't think she's ever heard of _fun _before. It's all study study study, isn't it?!" Shanna teased.

"Studying is fun…" Lily said in defence, "… sort of… But Quidditch fun? I think not…"

"Oh, c'mon Lily. You'll get to fly!"

"Well, there is that…" Flying is certainly not an uncommon dream for muggles. When she was a little girl she had always wanted to be able to fly. What little girl didn't? Then she found out she was a witch, and that witches and wizards _could _fly. And after the thrill of first year flying classes, suddenly the desire wore away a little bit. Perhaps it was the 'wanting-what-you-can't-have' thing.

Or perhaps she told herself she didn't want to fly to make up for the fact that she didn't have a broom to fly on.

"I don't have a broom," she said, suddenly seeing a problem.

"Doesn't matter," said Alice, "the school has brooms you can borrow."

"Oh." There was a moment's silence. "I can't fly very well."

"As long as you have good reflexes you'll be fine."

"Oh." Another moment's silence. "Don't people normally get hurt in Quidditch?"

"Yeah, but if you're seeker you can just stay away from the other players and bludgers and things until you see the snitch," Bree reasoned.

"Hmm." Another silence.

Alice broke it. "Stop searching for problems, Lily!" she said, in the hope that Lily would forget the biggest problem.

But Lily didn't forget.

Abruptly, she frowned, her forehead pinching in the middle and her eyes narrowing. Her words came out in a cold hiss.

"Potter is the captain."

"Yes," Shanna said quickly and cheerfully. "Which is why you're sure to make the team."

"Team," Lily muttered, a slight snarl on her face. "I'm NOT going to be on a team with _Potter. _No way..." Lily paused for a moment, and her eyes widened. "Hold it. I see. This is some kind of get-Lily-to-forgive-Potter thing isn't it?!" she demanded.

"No!" Alice cried, watching her anxiously. "No, of course it's not, Lily!"

Lily glared.

"Honest," Bree added.

"Actually," Shanna said slowly and Lily began glaring at her, "it's more of a get-Lily-to-stop-moping-around-like-a-sloth thing," she said, smiling a little.

Lily raised her eyebrows. "I'm not moping around like a sloth!" she said indignantly.

"No," Bree said. "Of course not. You're moping around like a moth."

Lily tried hard to stay angry, but she couldn't help giving a small laugh.

"Ok, so basically Quidditch will be lots of fun, and it'll take you're mind off schoolwork and… _things._" They all knew the 'thing' that Alice was referring to.

Lily's shoulders slumped a little. "There is that…" she muttered. Much as she loved her cousin, thinking about her every moment of the day did tend to depress her just a bit. Sometimes she would rather not think. Quidditch could possibly force her brain to think of other things. "But I still don't want to be on a team with Potter," she added decisively.

"In a way," Shanna said, "we all are, already. Just by being in Gryffindor."

"It's not like you'll have to do much _teamwork _with him, as such," Alice reasoned, "if you're just looking for the snitch. It's not like you'll have to pass him the quaffle or anything."

"You could even cheer for the other team while you're looking for it, pretend that you're on the other team! That'd annoy him _so _much," Bree said, grinning.

"Woah," Lily said, as all the arguments piled up on her. "Slow down. Ok, ok, I get the picture." She paused for a couple of seconds. Then, suddenly feeling wild and reckless, she said, "Fine. Sure. I'll do it!"

---

_Micah,_

_Hey, kiddo. How are you going, at home? Having a relaxing time?_

_Not much happening here at school. Holding seeker tryouts in a couple of days to find someone to replace you... Sorry, shouldn't have said 'replace'. Totally inappropriate. No one's replacing you. They're just filling in for you. I would re-write this letter if I could be bothered – but I can't._

_Hope you're feeling better_

_James_

James folded up the parchment, tied it carefully to the owl's leg and whispered instructions to it. It swooped off, and soon James could no longer see it – a grey bird flying through a grey sky.

The reply came the very next day.

_James_

_Hey. I'm ok. Very relaxing but really boring. Not feeling great either. How are you?_

_Let me know who makes seeker. A healer came around the other day and said I probably won't be able to go back to school this year, so whoever you choose probably _will _be replacing me, after all. Until next year, at least._

_Merlin it's boring here. So I'll probably be writing long letters from now on, ok? It's the only thing there is to do._

_Except I'm not going to write a long one this time…I have to go._

_Micah_

James frowned as he read the last line of the letter. The handwriting was unusually wobbly where it said 'I have to go.'

He sighed and tried to push the thoughts from his mind. He also pushed his cereal away, no longer hungry. "Speak, Moony," he said, in attempt to think of something else.

Remus, who was sitting motionless and staring blankly at the table, looked at him wearily. "I hardly feel up to sitting here, let alone speaking," he grumbled.

"That time of the month again, hey?"

"Shut _up,_" Remus hissed.

"Furry little problem getting you down?" Sirius asked, joining them.

"Shut _up, _guys!"

"Sorry," James muttered.

---

Quidditch trials were held on Saturday morning. To her friends' surprise, Lily seemed rather worried at breakfast.

"I can hardly even _fly!_" she exclaimed.

"Calm down, Lily! It hardly matters. James will pick you no matter how bad you're flying is!"

"Hmm…"

"Well at least _eat,_" said Shanna impatiently. Lily was sitting slumped, elbows on the table and head resting on her hands, staring glumly at her breakfast.

"I'm not hungry."

"Yes you are," Alice said firmly.

"What are you, a mind-reader? If so, you aren't doing a great job. I'm _not _hungry."

"Of course you're hungry. You're just scared about Quidditch," Bree added.

"I'm not _scared!_"

There was a pause. As if on cue, her friends stopped talking and raised their eyebrows at her. She started laughing.

"I'm nervous. Not scared."

"Sure," Alice drawled.

Lily flicked her shoulder.

"Ouch. Don't do that!"

"What's the time?"

"I'm not telling. Not after you flicked me."

"I'm not asking you. Alice? Time?"

"Time for Quidditch!"

---

"Evans!" James said as she walked onto the pitch, surprised and pleased to see her. "What are you doing here?"

"Potter," she acknowledged, her heart thumping, not meeting his eyes. She suddenly felt like _such_ a hypocrite. "I'm trying out for seeker," she muttered, staring stonily at the ground.

James' mouth dropped open for a second, he was that surprised. And he was so pleased that he was tempted to dance right around the Quidditch pitch. Quickly, he regained his composure. "Fantastic!" he said, but he was unable to stop a crazy grin spread over his face.

Lily didn't smile. She turned and walked away from him without a word, and sat down next to the other students who were trying out. And waited, noticing with irritation that her right leg had begun to tremble in anticipation.


	9. Chapter 9

"Ok, everyone." James waited until all the chatter had died down and everyone's eyes were upon him. "Thanks for coming, guys. Um, I thought we'd start with a basic test… has everyone got a broomstick? Yes? Um, do you all want to line up here…?"

Lily stood up with the other nine Gryffindors who had come to try out. She took the battered school broom in her hand and trudged out onto the pitch.

"Okay," said James when they were all lined up. "I want you all to fly around the pitch, all together, um, say… three times. Try to go fast… but not so fast that you loose control of the broom. Ok? Everyone ready?"

A murmur and a few nods.

"Ready, GO!"

Lily, her hands trembling, mounted the broom and gripped it tightly. She pushed off the ground and surged forward, and rose far too high – she was well above everyone else. Grimacing, she descended, and soon found herself heading straight for the ground. She shrieked and pulled up hard. After a few moments, however, she was steady, and was zooming around the pitch with the rest of the students.

On the second lap, she did fairly well. She managed to stay towards the front of the group and didn't loose her balance at all.

The third lap wasn't quite as successful. Towards the end, a second year crashed into her from the side and knocked her off balance. She flipped upside down and found herself dangling, hanging on to the broom with her hands. She kicked and struggled, flailing around like a fish in a bucket, but she just couldn't manage to get back onto the broom. As everyone around her landed smoothly onto the ground, Lily caught her feet on clump of grass and she tumbled down, thrusting her arms in front of her to break her fall. The broom bounced across the ground away from her.

Immediately, James was by her side. "You alright?" He extended a hand to help her up but she didn't take it. She stood up, humiliated.

"You did well," said James.

"Yeah, right," Lily growled. She retrieved her broom and stomped off, a blaze of embarrassment filling her cheeks. _Hypocrite,_ _hypocrite. _The worlds filled her brain. _Lily is a hypocrite. _

When she sat down, a young boy approached her. "Er, um – I just wanted to say sorry for knocking you off…" he stammered.

Although her first thought was to say 'piss off', she restrained herself. "That's fine." Lily waved away the apology and pointedly looked around the pitch. After a moment, the boy took the hint and left. "Clumsy little twerp," Lily muttered when he was out of earshot.

"Alright, guys…" Once again, James waited until he had everyone's attention. "That was good. A few of you didn't manage to complete the three laps, so… sorry, but you're out. You can stay and watch if you like, though."

For a few dreadful seconds Lily thought he was referring to her. She hadn't quite finished the third lap, had she? Not properly, anyway. Was she 'out'?

When no one moved, James spoke again. "Um? You know who you are. Go on, move! Turner and Pastings, you're out. And you – sorry, what's your name? Riley. And Aphon, and Barne. Turner, Pastings, Riley, Aphon and Barne – you five are all out. Sorry. Well, you didn't even manage the first lap! Go on, get moving!"

Five scowling first years stood up and moved into the stands. Lily was surprised. She'd thought she'd performed the worst out of all of them, so it was comforting to know that some people hadn't even been able to fly.

But then, they were first years.

"Ok everyone, get up and stand in a circle. Yep, good. Um, we'll start with you, Webster. Tell us you're name, age and what Quidditch experience you've had. And don't worry guys, I'm not choosing you based on your experience," James added, "so don't lie about it. I'm choosing you on ability, but I need to know what experience you've had for the next exercise. Ok? So you've gotta tell the truth. Webster?"

A tall and lanky fourth year girl spoke. "Um, ok, I'm Robin Webster, I'm fourteen and I played Quidditch at my old school – I was seeker."

"Good," said James. "Cary?"

"Yep, I'm Martin Cary, I'm 12 and I play quite a bit of Quidditch with my siblings at home."

"Uh huh. Yuan?"

"Um, I'm Alex Yuan and I'm 12… and y-yeah I play a bit of Quidditch in the holidays with my family."

Alex Yuan was the twerp who had knocked Lily off her broom.

"Ok. Evans?" He spoke her name with great warmth and encouragement, but she kept her eyes fixed on the ground.

"I'm Lily Evans, I'm 16 and… I've never played Quidditch before."

That lump of grass looked familiar. Was that the same lump of grass that had caused her to trip and fall when she landed? She glared at it accusingly.

"Cool. And… Frederiksen."

"I'm Tim Frederiksen, um, I'm 15, I was on the team in second and third year, and… yeah."

"Ok, great guys! Alright, what I'm going to do for this activity, is I'll pair you up and you're going to try and catch the snitch before your partner does. Understand? Yep? Good. Um, Cary and Yuan, you can go together. And Frederiksen, you're with Webster. Evans, you can go with me."

Lily closed her eyes for a moment and exhaled deeply to contain her frustration, her hand squeezing the broomstick with all its might. She'd seen James playing with the snitch he nicked in fifth year. He was brilliant. He'd beat her for sure.

"Cary and Yuan, you go first." James took the little golden ball out of the case and held it in the air. "Mount you're brooms… and go when I say." He let go of the snitch and two seconds later yelled, "GO!"

The two second years streaked after the snitch. After several minutes Martin Cary managed to catch it. He flew back with the snitch held high in the air, a triumphant grin smothering his face. Alex Yuan was scowling so ferociously Lily thought he was going to hex Cary then and there.

"Nice work, Cary. Good try, Yuan," said James. "Now, Frederiksen and Webster, your turn. Ready… GO!"

Tim Frederiksen looked rather off balance at the start, but Robin Webster flew confidently and whizzed ahead of him. Lily could see a little gold blur within Webster's reach, and she was just about to grab it when Frederiksen came careering at her from behind and knocked her away.

"Foul play!" cried Webster, but she continued trying to get the snitch anyway. She quickly regained balance – she seemed to be a very skilled flyer – and zoomed after Frederiksen. He was drawing closer to the golden ball but Webster managed to catch up, and soon she had caught it.

"Well done, Webster," James said when the two got back. She grinned at him and handed him the snitch. "But you have to remember," he added, "that what Frederiksen did wasn't foul play. In an actual game, you have seven other players to contend with, not just the other seeker, as well as two bludgers."

Webster nodded. "I _have _played before," she said.

"I know. And Frederiksen – good try."

"Thanks."

"Ok, now… our turn, Lily." James smiled at her. She swallowed and looked away. Why was she so _nervous? _Then she realised what he had called her.

"Potter, how many times have I told you to call me Evans?" said Lily coldly.

"Oh. Sorry." He sounded earnest. He watched her for a moment, then turned and called out, "Padfoot!" Sirius came bounding over to them from where he was sitting with the rest of the Marauders, watching.

"Yeah, Prongs?"

"Here – take the snitch. Can you let it go? Then call out 'go' like two seconds after. Ok?"

"Sure thing."

"Ready, Evans?" asked James.

She nodded, and mounted her broom. James did likewise.

Sirius let go of the snitch. Lily followed it with her eyes.

"Go!"

Lily kicked off the ground, hard, imagining it was Potter she was kicking. She felt her eyes begin to water from the cool air rushing at her face, but she kept on glaring at the golden fuzz as she flew towards it. With a start, she realised that James was behind her… but he was catching up. She willed her broom to go a little bit faster.

The snitch was gone. She hadn't even blinked! Where had it gone? She slowed, and twisted around, searching for it. Then she saw James rising, fairly slowly, and she looked up. Against the glare of clouds, she thought she saw a glimmer of something. The snitch! She streaked up towards it.

It wasn't the snitch. It was a leaf. A large, golden-brown leaf.

_What the hell is a leaf doing up here?_ She grabbed it and crushed it in her hand, furious. _Where is the snitch?_

It was several long moments before she saw it. It was down by the ground. James was flying above it, looking both up at her and around him. He hadn't noticed it?

Lily took a deep breath and dived towards the ground, but soon she realised that this was foolish. She wouldn't be able to pull up in time. She wasn't a great flyer and the broomstick was certainly not top-of-the-range. She circled down, more slowly.

James appeared to notice the snitch, now, and streaked downwards. Lily tried to put on more speed.

The tiny, teasing bird-like blur hovered a few feet off the ground. Lily was closest to it, but James was catching up fast. Just as he was about to overtake her, she managed to put on a little burst of speed (or perhaps it was just that James had slowed down?) and stretched out her arm. Her hand closed firmly around it.

The snitch felt good in her hand. It was cool and smooth, the wings soft, and it was just the right size to fit neatly into her palm. She landed successfully for the first time that day, and admired the pretty ball as she walked back towards the stands.

"Fantastic, Evans!" James was next to her, grinning ecstatically. "That was great!"

For a moment, she forgot all the anger she had towards him and smiled back, quite pleased with her effort.

There suddenly seemed to be a whole lot more people on the edge of the Quidditch Pitch. The rest of the Gryffindor Quidditch Team had turned up to find out who was going to be their new seeker. Alice, Bree and Shanna had come down from where they were sitting in the stands and rushed over to congratulate Lily.

After consulting with the other Marauders for a couple of minutes, James waved his arms to get everyone's attention.

"Ok, everyone! I'm pleased to announce that our new seeker is…"

He paused and grinned around at them all, enjoying their agony. Lily waited, her fingers fidgeting, her heart thumping, her breathing unnaturally quick.

---

A/N: CLIFFHANGER! Harharhar…


	10. Chapter 10

"… Lily Evans!"

Her friends let out a cheer. A wave of both surprise and relief washed through her, leaving her speechless and motionless with a silly, smiling, sideways gape on her face.

"Congratulations, Evans." A few of the team members came up to shake her hand. "Welcome to the team."

However, not everyone was so happy.

"You're biased, you know that?" Robin Webster cried out, standing up. "You only chose _her _because you have a crush on her."

"Not true!" James retorted. "She flew well. She got the snitch before I did!"

"You were _easy_ on her! You barely _tried_!" This time it was Tim Frederiksen who spoke.

"Well I had to be a bit easy on her, didn't I?! She's never played before! I've been playing my whole life!"

"Still, that is totally unfair! I flew better than _her_." Webster said shrilly.

"In my opinion, you didn't." James was obviously struggling to keep calm.

"If _I'd _been against Evans, I would have beaten her for sure!" Frederiksen snarled.

"Yeah, that's so badly favouritism!" Martin Cary added, also standing up.

"Look!" James roared, furiously, as everyone started arguing. "I am captain of this team, and in my opinion, Lily Evans is the best choice for seeker. If you don't like it, LEAVE!"

Several people left, shooting nasty looks at Lily as they passed her. Lily rolled her eyes and was tempted to stick out her tongue at them, but she really felt quite hurt.

"Ignore them, Lily," James said, walking up to her.

"It's _Evans_," Lily snapped, standing up. "And I don't need your advice."

"Whatever. Anyway. Welcome to the team!" James grinned and stuck out his hand.

"Yeah. Thanks." But she didn't take it. She turned to her friends to say something, and behind her she heard James mutter something that earned a few laughs from the Marauders and the rest of the Quidditch team. She turned back, glowering, and since Sirius' sniggers were the loudest she fixed her glare on him.

But if anything, the glaring just increased the sniggers, so Lily gave up. "Can I go now?" she demanded impatiently.

James raised one eyebrow. "So soon?" he said, mockingly.

"See ya." Lily turned around and stomped off the pitch.

When she and her friends got up to their dormitory, Lily collapsed onto her bed and stared at the ceiling. After a while, Shanna and Bree decided to go and get some food from the kitchens, but Alice wasn't hungry and nor was Lily.

When the two girls had gone, Alice sat down on the end of Lily's bed.

"You ok?"

Lily raised her head and looked at her. "Yeah."

"Really?"

"Mmm. Yeah." Lily shrugged.

Alice waited.

Lily stared at the ceiling. It was made of dark brown polished wood. There was a little knothole almost directly above her that looked like a sparrow. Soon, the sparrow began to take on the appearance of a snitch.

Lily sighed heavily and, looking away from the knothole and instead glaring out the window, she spoke. "I shouldn't have even tried out."

"But you got seeker," Alice pointed out.

"Mmm… But it should have been that Webster girl. She was clearly better than me. She was right – Potter only chose me 'cause he's got a crush on me."

"Lily, you flew well. Potter wasn't lying about that."

"Well?" said Lily, incredulous. "I didn't fly well! Didn't you see me? I could hardly hang onto the broom, let alone get back on it. But anyway, Webster flew better than me."

"Not according to Potter."

"Yeah, but he's biased."

"Well, that's good for you, isn't it?"

"Merlin, I DON'T LIKE POTTER!"

"I know you don't," said Alice patiently.

"I wish he'd stop acting like I'm gonna suddenly turn around and… and… snog him, or something!"

Alice smirked. "Does he?"

"Well, no, but he seems to think I'm gonna suddenly turn all nice to him. Like he thinks I'm gonna forgive him."

"Aren't you ever going to forgive him?"

"No."

"Put yourself in his position."

"No."

"Lily -"

"Look, he destroyed my cousin. He doesn't deserve to be forgiven."

"Everyone deserves to be forgiven."

Lily didn't reply.

---

_Micah _

_How are you going, mate? _

_Had trials this morning. Guess who came along to try out? Lily Evans! She didn't fly very well but I chose her anyway – she wasn't too bad. As if I'd choose anyone else! A couple of people thought it was really biased but stuff them. I'm captain. _

_Anyway. Please write back soon._

_James_

_---_

_James_

_Hey. Lily's seeker? Great! Haha. Well, I' m going ok. Still dying of boredom, though. Nothing to do here! Not allowed to do anything strenuous for fear of making my 'condition' worse. I've been reading, a lot of the time. Getting really sick of reading, though._

_Okay, I have nothing to do so I'm just going to ramble for a while._

_I don't even have much to write about, so I'm going to write anything that comes into my head._

_Um. Ok. Write. Today it is cloudy. I'm sitting in bed writing this with a school-type quill. Mum is downstairs. The people across the road are building an extension onto their house and I'm constantly hearing bangs and taps and sawing noises it gets annoying. But they normally stop before dark. The worst thing is when I'm woken up by it. They tend to start quite early in the morning._

_Hmm. Merlin I actually can't think of anything else to write. Wish I had something to talk to. Arg. I meant 'someone'. I've got plenty of things to talk to. Like your owl. Or I could talk to the wardrobe. How are you going, Mr Wardrobe? Good? Have you been having nice conversations with my school clothes? They must be pretty bored. _

_Oh Merlin, help me James. I'm so bored I'm talking to my _wardrobe. _You got any ideas of what to do? Or… do you know any other guys who live around here I could talk to?_

_Please reply quickly._

_Micah_


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: Nice long chapter, this one - well over 3000 words:)

_---_

_Micah_

_Haha, so, is your wardrobe saying anything interesting? Um, I can't think of anyone who'd be around at the moment… except for Muggles of course. Come to think of it, the people across the road, the ones who are renovating… is that the green weatherboard house? Cos they have a son and a daughter who I reckon are about your age. They are Muggles, though, as far as I know._

_As for what else you can do… you know I nicked that snitch last year? I'll send it with this letter. You can keep your reflexes up!_

_James_

_---_

"Hey, Evans. How ya going?"

"Alright," Lily replied. It was Wednesday afternoon; Lily's first Quidditch game was on Saturday, and there were no proper team training sessions before it. So James had suggested that they have a little practise session themselves. "So, what exactly are we going to do? 'Cause if this is just an excuse to spend time with me, I'd much rather be with my _friends_."

"Yeah, no, of course it's not just an excuse to spend time with you. I was thinking we'd go over the rules of Quidditch first, and then we can do some practise. Sound ok?"

"Mmm. Whatever."

"Well, sit down."

The two sat down at the side of the Quidditch pitch and Lily recited what she could remember of the rules to Quidditch. She didn't mention that she'd spent two hours trying to memorize a book on the subject that morning, so James was surprised and pleased at the detail to which she explained. He tested her on a few things she'd missed out, and she got them pretty much correct.

"Well done, Lily," James said, leaning back and nodding, truly impressed. But Lily groaned.

"_Why_ do you keep calling me that?" she said, exasperatedly.

"Sorry."

"But why?! Answer me!"

James paused. "Because," he said after a moment, "when I think of you, I don't think 'Evans', I think 'Lily.'"

"Right. Well maybe you should start thinking 'Evans'," she snapped.

James didn't answer that. He changed the subject. "Well, anyway, shall we start? I couldn't get a snitch for this afternoon, but I've got a few of these little balls that are about the size of a snitch, and I'll throw them around and you can catch them." James held out a few little orange balls.

"Ping-pong balls," said Lily.

James, who had already begun walking out onto the pitch, stopped and turned. "What?"

"They're ping-pong balls."

"Ping-pong?" James asked, sniggering.

"Oh, don't worry. It's a muggle thing."

"Er – right. Well, shall we…?" James mounted his broom and invited her to do so too. Lily nodded and kicked off the ground. They rose into the air. "Ready?" yelled James.

"Yep." Lily called back.

James drew his arm back and threw a ball in her direction. It sailed through the air straight towards her, and she caught it easily. The next ball was higher, but she still managed to catch it. She caught several more, before James did something unexpected. He dropped the ball. Lily hesitated for a moment, wondering if he'd just dropped it by accident, but then he yelled, "Go get it, Evans!" so she dived down towards it. But it was falling too fast for her, and it hit the ground before she could catch it. Lily swung herself off her broom and picked it up, then flew back up to James' height again and chucked it at him, angry at herself.

"Okay, maybe we'll work on that a bit later," said James, and tossed the ball towards her again. This one was a fairly easy catch. The next one looked to be coming straight towards her – another easy catch – but a gust of wind suddenly sent it swerving in a funny direction. She twisted in an awkward way to try to get to it… and then she lost her balance completely and found herself hanging onto the broom with her fingers.

"C'mon! Get back on!" she heard James shout.

"I – can't!" she cried, kicking her legs frantically. Her fingers began to ache. She strained to pull herself up with her arms but she couldn't get far enough to mount the broom again.

"Swing yourself over!" yelled James. "You can do it, Lily!"

"I can't!" Lily cried again, terrified. She was a long way away from the ground. Somehow, she managed to make the broom descend… and slowly, very slowly, the oh-so-far-away ground got closer. She exhaled heavily in relief when her feet touched the ground, and she crumpled into a sitting position.

All of a sudden, James was there. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah." Lily felt her cheeks fill up with hot embarrassment, and she stared at the grass.

He paused. Then he said, "I'll teach you how to get back onto the broom. C'mon, get up."

"Er… just show me," Lily stammered. "Um – I – I think I've twisted my ankle." It was a feeble lie but it was the best Lily could come up with in her current state. She began to make a big deal of rubbing her ankle and wincing.

It was clear by the twitch of his eyebrow and the tiny smirk that emerged on his mouth that James had seen right through the lie, but he refrained from commenting. He rose into the air and Lily watched as he swung himself off so he was hanging on with his hands.

"You've gotta swing!" he shouted. He demonstrated how to get back on, and then swooped down and, sitting opposite her, he explained the theory of how it was done. Lily stared at the grass as he spoke. Was that the same bit of grass that had tripped her up in the Quidditch trials? Probably not, she decided, after a lot of deliberation.

"So, you got that?" James asked.

"Er…" Abruptly, Lily realised that she'd zoned out. "Could you explain it again?"

---

"Wassup, Prongs?" asked Remus.

They were sitting at the Gryffindor Table in the Great Hall. Peter was reading a letter with a disgusted expression on his face. Sirius was writing a letter while shoving toast into his mouth. James was staring towards his porridge but you could tell that what he was seeing wasn't pale and lumpy.

"What's up, Prongs?" Remus repeated, louder and more clearly, when he didn't seem to hear.

James blinked and looked at him. "The sky," he said gruffly.

Remus tilted his head and stared at James severely. "That is so overused and so not funny. Now what's wrong?"

"Nothing…" he muttered. After a minute he said, "Just, I haven't heard from Micah in a while."

"Oh."

"No big deal." James shrugged it off. "What are you smirking about, Wormtail?"

"Listen to this," Peter said, and began to mimic his mother's voice. "_Dear Peter_." He was an excellent mimic and even those two words set the other boys laughing. "_I hope you are going well. I also hope you are behaving yourself, because if I get one more letter from the school concerning your behaviour I shall be very disappointed –_ (she says that every year). _Also I was wondering if you'd like me to send you something to read – I have a _Peter Rabbit _book, you know, by _Beatrix Potter_, that I thought you might enjoy._ Honestly!" Peter exclaimed, reverting to his normal voice. "You'd think I was five years old!"

"Maybe she thought you'd like it 'cause it has your name in it," Sirius sniggered.

"No, no!" James cried. "She thought you'd like it 'cause it has MY name in it!"

"Beatrix Potter. I wonder if you're related to her," Remus mused.

"Wait!" Sirius exclaimed. "I have it! She thinks you're a rabbit! Peter Rabbit! Well, I'm sorry Mrs Pettigrew, but you're sadly mistaken. Our Peter is a rat, and a rat he shall be forever. In a good way, of course," he added. "He's a cute and cuddly rat."

Sirius reached over and patted Peter on the head.

"Gerroff!" Peter swatted Sirius' arm away.

"The rat doesn't like being patted? How terrible!" Sirius cried.

"The rat doesn't like being patted by _you_," said Peter.

---

That evening, in their dormitory, James wrote a letter to his parents.

_Mum and Dad,_

_Just wondering why Micah hasn't written in a while. Is he alright? Also, I can't find my owl so I'll be using a school one. _

_Oh, and Remus wanted to know if we are related to some Beertricks Potter. Except Remus just told me that it's spelt 'Beatrix'. Merlin, now he's in hysterics – laughing like a hyena and going "Beer tricks! Beer tricks!"_

_Right, well anyway, hope to hear from you soon._

_James_

---

It was Saturday morning. Lily woke up quite early and sighed in contentment to see a bright patch of sunlight lighting up the end of her bed. She loved sunny days. She wriggled one foot out from the bedclothes and poked it into the patch of brightness. The air felt cool on her foot, but the sunlight made up for it. In this position, Lily slowly drifted into a comfortable doze.

Suddenly she was dreaming. It was a terribly frustrating dream… she was repetitively hitting her head against a wooden beam. She was lying down and the beam was just above her head, and whenever she tried to raise her head, it hit the beam. Then she felt things crawling over her foot. She looked down towards it and saw black spiders, each about the size of a twenty cent piece, scuttling across her foot and between her toes. She tried to sit up and get them off, but she hit her head on that damned bit of wood again!

She woke up. Bree was knocking on her head with her knuckles. Shanna was kneeling by the end of the bed with feather quill in her hand, and she was tickling Lily's foot with it. Lily sat up and drew her foot back towards her, and rubbed her head, sleepily.

"Wha… what the hell are you doing?" she asked.

"Well, your foot was sticking out…" Shanna smirked.

"I thought you were a spider," Lily grumbled, squinting and rubbing her foot just to make sure that there were no more spiders. She turned to Bree. She tried to ask, 'And what were you doing?' but because she was yawning at the same time it came out as, "An' whawere oo ooing?"

But Bree didn't answer. She was laughing too hard. Looking down to the end of the bed, Lily noticed that Shanna wasn't there anymore. She was… lying on the floor. Laughing.

Lily started to smirk herself. "Bloody hell… what are you laughing at?!" she demanded.

"You thought I was a _spider_?! Lily, I'm as human as you are," Shanna gasped.

"What? No – I thought – I thought there were spiders on my foot, not…"

She paused. Alice was standing in the doorway, having just come out from the shower. "What is going _on _in here?" asked Alice, sitting down on her bed and starting to wring out her hair.

"Lily thought I was a spider," Shanna said. Alice gave her a weird look.

Don't worry," Bree giggled.

Lily stopped laughing. "Oooh, shit," she said. "What's the time?"

"Um… ten o'clock," Alice said. "Merlin, you three _are_ late sleepers. What's wrong, Lily?"

"Quidditch!" Lily squeaked, jumping out of bed. "I have an hour until Quidditch!"

---

Lily had possibly the fastest shower she'd had in her life, ate breakfast in about three minutes, and then hurried down to the changing rooms.

"Oh good, you're here." James sounded relieved as he shoved a bundle of material into her arms. "Put these on, quick."

As Lily tugged the Quidditch robes over her head, James began his pep-talk.

"Okay, people. We're versing Hufflepuff today. I reckon they should be fairly easy to beat, but we can't get too confident. Evans, get the snitch as fast as you can but make sure it'll make us win – don't get it if Hufflepuff are more than 40 points ahead of us. And make sure you keep an eye out for the bludgers – Wesley and Anita, look after her?"

Wesley Giddings was a short and stocky seventh year. Anita Patterson was in fifth year, but she was taller than Giddings. The two Beaters nodded and smiled at Lily. Lily glared at James. She didn't like being treated like an eight year old.

"Oh, and Evans…" James drawled, "Sorry, but I'm just gonna _have_ to call you Lily from now on. In the team, see, we're all on first name terms."

With four other people watching and waiting for her reaction, Lily could hardly throw a temper tantrum and force him to call her by her last name. And besides, he actually had a good excuse, for once.

"Whatever," Lily said casually, avoiding his eyes.

James smirked triumphantly. Then, "Caroline, you ready to defend the hoops?" he said loudly.

"Readier than you can ever imagine!" Caroline Anton shouted. There was a murmur of laughter amongst the team, and Lily raised her eyebrow at the strange reply. Seeing her confusion, Caroline said, "Don't worry, Lily. It's just a little joke we have. Potter and I say the same thing before every game."

"Oh," Lily replied, feeling more and more out of it every minute.

"And Macka! We don't have Aaron with us today, but it doesn't matter. We're gonna get heaps of goals and beat the shit out of the Hufflepuffs, right?!"

"Right!" Mack Jando, another Chaser, grinned enthusiastically.

"Where's Aaron?" asked Caroline, as James stuck his head out of the change rooms for a moment.

"In the hospital wing. He ate something he shouldn't have," said Wesley Giddings, smirking a little. Aaron was the third Chaser for Gryffindor.

"What?"

"Three knuts and a galleon."

"_What??! _He _ate _them?"

"Come on, guys!" James said impatiently, not having heard the last bit of the conversation. "The game's starting! You can chat… after we've WON!"

"Yeah!" Anita, Caroline and Mack cheered, and the team made their way out of the change room. Lily lagged at the back of the group, and James walked beside her.

"You alright?" he asked.

"Fine," Lily replied coolly.

"You're shaking, Lily."

She suddenly realised it was true. And she couldn't stop. "I'm chilly," she said quickly, and gripped her broom tight.

"It's sunny," James pointed out as they walked onto the grass of the Quidditch pitch, a roar from the crowd filling their ears. "Don't worry Lil, you'll do fine." He grabbed her hand and squeezed it briefly, but before she could shake him away in disgust he had sprung back to the front of the group and begun waving at the crowd.

Soon – too soon for Lily's liking – Madam Hooch walked out onto the field. James and the Hufflepuff captain glared at each other and tried to crush one another's hands.

The rest of the team mounted their brooms, so Lily did as well.

Madam Hooch blew the whistle and released the balls. The crowd cheered, and all the players kicked hard off the ground and zoomed up into the air.

Lily rose higher than everyone else, dodging one of the Hufflepuff players as she ascended. She tried not to worry about what everyone else was doing and concentrated on finding the snitch.

"And Mack Jando's got the Quaffle," the commentator began. "Jude's tried to intercept it but Jando's passed it off to Potter – ah, nice, Hufflepuff's Tanner has it now, taking it way down the pitch, yes, good try there Potter but not good enough – Tanner's passed it to Waldron – Waldron shoots – oh, a BEAUTIFUL save from the Gryffindor Keeper, Caroline Anton! Anton's passed it to Potter – now Jando's got it – ooh, nasty Bludger there from Minal. Jando seems to be ok, but he's dropped the ball – Jude catches it – she's hit by a bludger from Patterson – Potter's got it!"

Lily couldn't help but watch the game. James had the Quaffle under one arm and he was speeding along the pitch with it. He neared the goals and tossed it straight through the top hoop.

"And that's 10-Nil to Gryffindor! Nice goal, Potter. Where's the Hufflepuff Keeper? Oh, here he is now – where was he when that goal was being scored? Oh well – now Tanner has the Quaffle -"

Lily grinned, but then shook her head. She mustn't get distracted. _Find the snitch, find the snitch!_ She glared around the pitch.

"Anton – doesn't save it – WALDRON SCORES!"

Lily looked down, startled.

"Scores are ten-all. Oi, what's Yong doing? He's diving? Has he seen the snitch?"

Lily looked around wildly, heart thumping, looking for Tibor Yong, the Hufflepuff seeker. Then she saw him diving towards the ground at the other end of the pitch. She began flying towards him. She couldn't see the snitch, but he must have seen it.

"Yong's going for the snitch! Go Yong, get it! Evans is following, close behind – ooh, Ibon's hit a nasty bludger – Giddings isn't close enough to stop it - "

Lily felt something slam into her side, very, very hard. She was knocked off her broom, but felt nothing for a second – then she was screaming in pain and fear, screaming and falling…

---

… "I'm so worried…"

… a mumble…

… "Shush…"

… "Merlin…"

… "She'll be right…"

… "Don't worry…"

… muttering…

… murmuring… a scuffling noise…

Lily drifted slowly into consciousness. She opened her eyes a little bit and then closed them again.

"Oh! Lily, you're awake?" someone said in a hopeful tone.

Lily made a vague 'uh' sound in her throat. She several sighs of relief and a quiet, "Oh, thank Merlin." She felt something touch her shoulder.

"Madam Pomfrey, Lily's awake!"

Lily didn't quite know who was speaking, but she thought it was a student. Then she heard Madam Pomfrey's voice.

"Miss Evans? Are you awake?"

Lily opened her eyes gradually. She was lying in a bed in the hospital wing, her legs propped up on a couple of pillows. Madam Pomfrey was leaning over her, and behind her stood Alice, Bree, Shanna and the Marauders.

"Oh good," Madam Pomfrey said. "How are you feeling, dear?"

"Uh… ok…" Lily mumbled. The matron gently took one of Lily's hands and, with cool fingers, felt for her pulse.

"Now I want you to rest for ten minutes," she told Lily. Then she turned to the others. "I don't want you to hassle her!" she told them severely. "You may stay, but you mustn't stress her at all. If you do you'll have to leave. And if anything happens, call me over. Now, Lily – rest, but try not to go to sleep. I'll be back soon with a potion I want you to take." Madam Pomfrey left.

There was silence for about a minute. Lily gazed at the ceiling… she'd half forgotten that anyone else was there. Then Shanna spoke.

"Lily… are you ok?" Lily looked over at them. Shanna, Alice and Bree were all sitting across the two seats next to her bed. Sirius and Peter were standing, leaning against the wall; James and Remus had sat down on the floor but were now standing up too. They were all watching her.

"Yeah…" she said vaguely. Then she thought of something. "Did – did we lose?"

"Yeah," James said, "but it doesn't matter."

"You were really close to catching up with Yong," Peter said, "but then Ibon – that creep – hit a bludger at you. Wesley tried to stop it but he wasn't close enough."

"Oh."

"Are you… like, are you in any pain at all?" Bree asked anxiously.

"Um…" Lily said. "Not much…"

"Good. You shouldn't be, 'cause the Matron did a pain-stopping charm," said Remus.

"Was I knocked out?" Lily asked suddenly.

Sirius gave a slight grin. "Oh, nah, you were just asleep. You got tired while you were playing, so you just lay down on the ground and went to sleep."

"What?"

Lily, in her still-confused state, had missed the sarcasm.

"Yes, Lily, you were knocked out. You've been unconscious for about forty-five minutes now."

"Oh."

Soon, Madam Pomfrey returned, holding a bottle of potion. She poured some into the glass that was sitting on Lily's bedside table.

"Take this – yes, drink it all up…"

Although it had a foul smell, it didn't actually taste as bad as she'd expected.

"Now you need to get some real rest. Try to get some sleep, if you can."

Lily nodded slightly. The Matron turned to the seven students beside her. "Get going. Lily needs peace and quiet. Goodbye!"

---

A/N: For reference: The Gryffindor Quidditch team!

James Potter – Captain, Chaser

Mack Jando – Chaser

Aaron McArthur – Chaser

Anita Patterson – Beater

Wesley Giddings – Beater

Caroline Anton – Keeper

Lily Evans – Seeker


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: Thankyou to my wonderful beta, Shanzeh :)

---

_James!_

_I finally got your letter, Nestor flew in this morning looking exhausted and I think she may be ill. Anyway, yeah it's the Muggles in the green house that are renovating – I think they're nearly done though. But not much use, I'm going into St Mungo's tomorrow anyway. At least there'll be other people there, it won't be as boring as it is here._

_And I didn't get the snitch – I dunno if you just forgot to enclose it or what. But it wasn't there._

_Micah_

---

"It's raining," Lily stated.

"What a good observation," said James, though the sarcasm in his voice was not malicious.

"It's _pouring_," Lily emphasized.

James couldn't resist. "The old man is snoring," he sang.

Lily threw him an exasperated look, and then began to gaze out the window again. It was fifteen minutes to five o'clock, and the two of them were standing in the Quidditch change rooms. Lily had left the Gryffindor Tower early, but not wanting to be too early for training she had decided to wander the corridors to kill time. Unfortunately, James had found her on his way down to the Quidditch Pitch, and made her come with him.

They were changed, and their broomsticks were leaning against the wall, ready to be ridden. Lily's broom was a battered old school broom that had half of its bristles missing, and what was left of them were sticking out at unnatural angles. The handle was scuffed and worn; the lettering on the end was so faded and scratched that one could hardly read it. James' broom, on the other hand, looked like it had never been ridden before. The bristles were smooth, somehow managing to flow into the perfect shape; the handle was polished and shiny, the wood rich and undamaged; the lettering was clear and glinting gold.

"Potter, we are not seriously going to fly in _that_." Lily leaned her forehead to the window, cupping her hands around her face to block the reflections. The sky outside was dim and the rain was falling hard. So hard, in fact, that Lily could hardly see the goal-hoops at their end of the Quidditch Pitch, let alone the hoops on the other side.

"Yes we are, Lily."

"But look at it! We'd probably be knocked off our brooms by _one _of those raindrops! How are we even going to _see_?!"

James laughed. "I'm sure we'll manage."

"Can we just not train?" said Lily hopefully.

"No, we're training."

"Oh, c'mon! What's the point of training if all that happens is you get cold and wet and muddy and you can't see the balls so they hit you and you loose your balance but you can't see your broom so you can't hold onto it so you fall off?"

James raised his eyebrows, a smile appearing on his face after this spiel. "Lily, you have a… an interesting imagination."

Lily had to laugh a little, realising how strange that must have sounded, but her laugh was tinged with bitterness. "Nah," she muttered to herself. "I just have a paranoid brain."

"What was that?" James said, puzzled. "All I got of that was 'paranoid'."

"Uh, don't worry; I was just talking to myself," Lily said, slightly alarmed that he'd even heard that much. She made a mental note to mutter more softly in future, especially around James. _He must have good hearing_, she thought.

"Wait – Lily, are you scared you're gonna fall off your broom again?"

"No," said Lily scornfully, rolling her eyes, but inside she was thinking, _Shit… lucky guess, or else he's really smart. Nah, it's gotta be a guess._

"Mmm. Sure," said James in a half sarcastic tone.

Was he bluffing, or was he actually really smart? Either way, Lily wasn't going to voice her uncertainty. "Mm-hmm. Sure," she said, her tone definite.

"But you're just bluffing, aren't you Lily?"

"Actually, I thought it was you who was bluffing," Lily muttered under her breath. Audibly, she said; "I'm not scared, okay? Deal with it!" She slapped on the window with her hand to stress the impatience in her voice.

"You thought I was bluffing? What?"

Lily cursed.

James ignored her, still trying to get this around his brain. "Just to take a guess here," he said slowly, "does that mean you _are _scared?"

"No!" she cried shrilly. _…Darn it._ Wrong tone.

James smiled sympathetically. "Oh, Lily. Don't worry; I'm sure you won't fall again. After all, last time it was because of a bludger, and I don't think we'll be using bludgers in this weather. So just don't stress, blah blah blah, blah blah …"

Lily, whose face was now feeling much too hot for her liking, coldly said, "The best thing you could do right now would be shut up."

To James' ears, the words 'shut up' didn't actually mean anything unless said very angrily by a teacher, so he just kept rambling on.

"Would you shut up, please?!"

He kept rambling. It amazed Lily how he could keep talking for so long, when she clearly wasn't listening.

"Potter!" she yelled suddenly, whacking her hand against the window in fury. They both screamed as there was a huge crash and the window broke, sending shards of glass everywhere.

"_Merlin,_ Lily!" said James, stunned. "I mean… whoa… I mean… bloody hell!"

Lily stared at the broken glass, equally surprised. "I didn't think I hit it _that _hard…" She shivered – cold air was blowing into the room. "_Reparo,_" she murmured, flicking her wand, and all the bits of glass flew back in place. "You didn't get hurt, did you?" she added worriedly.

James shook his head. "Did you?"

"No."

"Now what in Merlin's name was that about, Lily?"

"I – I thought you said 'Emily'," stammered Lily, still staring at the window like it was some kind of transparent dragon.

"Emily? I never said anything about Emily." James frowned. "I don't think I said anything that sounds even remotely like 'Emily'. I mean, what rhymes with Emily?! Well, in any case-" he gave a half hearted laugh – "you overreacted a bit, don't you think?"

Lily pushed her thoughts away from her cousin. "I didn't mean to break the sodding window!" she said defensively, but couldn't stop herself smiling. "Well, has this at least proven to you that it's freezing cold out there so we can't train?"

"Har har, nice try… no."

---

"How was it, Lily?" Shanna said, as Lily stomped into the dormitory that night.

"Hell," Lily groaned. "I'm having a shower."

She had a long shower, not caring about wasting water. When she _finally_ felt warm, she returned to the dorm and crawled into bed. She stared at the ceiling.

"So how was it, Lily, apart from hell?" said Bree.

"Cold, wet, cold, wet… Uh, let's see… Cold and wet… and cold and wet. That about sums it up." Lily laughed bitterly.

"Okay. Cold and wet," Shanna said, nodding.

"What kind of things did you do?" Bree asked.

"We got cold, and we got wet."

"Well yeah, we gathered that."

Lily sighed. "Alice, you asleep?" she asked, looking over to her friend who was curled up in bed, facing the wall. Alice held a book up in the air. "Oh, I see. Well," Lily yawned, "I'm going to sleep."

---

_Dear Lily,_

_How are you, dear? Emily's not too good. She was in a comatose state for about twenty four hours, but she's awake now. She's sleeping most of the time, and not eating much. We can't believe she's taking this long to heal – it's been more than a year! The nurses are optimistic though._

_Hope to hear from you soon,_

_Love Nora and Phil_


End file.
